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Wednesday, September 23rd 2015

7:14 AM

depressed

Well here I am,  back again. Seems like I run here to hide when I have problems. I feel safe here and can say what I feel. Not many read this anymore so I can just be. Sadly life is getting really hard for me to deal with anymore.I find myself so deeply depressed I see no good left in my staying. I am over whelmed, lonely, untrusting of the one person who does care for me. I dont even cry much anymore I am just numb to it all. I pray each night to die and move on yet I awaken each day.  WHY??? I am beginning to believe I am in my own special hell.....I want it over , I wish for release...I want to die!

Nothing ever changes for me, little gets better, I am LIED to so often I am no longer able to 100% know fantasy from reality, the lies are never ending. I am dependent on my aid taking care of me for even the smallest jobs. I am sick to death of being poor, I cant even afford a sandwich let alone pay to get out of this prison I live at. I am alone, forgotten. I am of no use to anyone and I know I will never be, This is NOT how I saw my life, it is not who I want to be. My books which I put my heart and soul in are a flop, few bought them. I thought the Animal communication book would be a big hit bit every one seems to be more knowing and better at just about everything than I am. I have nothing special to bring to the table that is worthwhile. I am useless, I even connected up with my family and sent them a free Angels book and that has been over 4 months, they havent had the time to even look at it or read it, again I am nothing, Pushed aside for other more important things. what else is new? Never fit with them anyway.

I ask myself over and over what do I need and I heard love and friendship. Not the FB online kinda love but a real person who can like me, have tea with me and be proud to be my friend. Who wants to spend time with me and help me without me dangling $ to get their aid. This is something I have never had ...LOVE, not from my mom or dad, not from anyone. At 56 years it is wearing on the soul and I am tired of fighting to get it. I give up. I wish now only to cross over and end this eternal torment. I know we are in retrograde but my whole life isnt in retrograde and when this passes I will still be hurting and hiding and alone. I have so many years of paranormal work, so much experience but no one to share it with or work with. I am an elder at this point and worthy of respect instead I get ignored, forgotten and left on my own. I used to believe life was kind if one just believed,now I know different. Life is not kind, it is not loving, it is dark and sad and dismill and its not ever gonna get any better here and I better face it and move on. Well thanks for giving me a place to vent bravenet, thanks

3 What ya all thought.

Posted by Ebears:

We just want you to know you are not alone, though life can be extremely lonely at times. I am so sorry you are feeling so down, and that you feel unloved and unappreciated. You are LOVED, I know we are not close to you geographically but we do think of you often and hope you are ok. Life has become so expensive, as well as isolating. I thank GOD every day for HUGO, and what a mess I was before I met him. The emptiness I felt was so deep, I thought my sadness would never end. I did all sorts of reckless things to fill the void. I am SO SORRY you are feeling the same way I did so many years ago. It's hard not to feel like a failure when you are ignored by the people you love. I wish I was there to give you a great big bear hug, and tell you how loved you are. They say if you change only ONE life when you are here on this planet you are a success... you helped change my life with your kindness and unconditional love. So I can say without question YOU ARE A STAR, you probably don't realize how many lives you have actually changed, like mine. I am always here to listen, you can email me anytime. I am not going anywhere, you mean so much to me (and HUGO) I can't even put it into words. Just remember you have helped make me the man I am today, kinder, more open and WITHOUT A BIG CHIP ON MY SHOULDER! You ROCK!!! BIG HUGS, LOADS OF LOVE from you friend Shawno (and HUGO needling me to say hi to you! LOL)

This comment has been moderated by the blog owner

Wednesday, September 23rd 2015 @ 9:56 AM

Posted by Azodnem:

Your gentle footsteps on this earth have mattered, beauty wolf lady... and still do.
Sunday, September 27th 2015 @ 3:35 PM

Posted by Ebears:

Hey Angel o:) Thanks for stopping by. Yes, we have had so many friends die of AIDS, it has been so tragic, we don't want to ever let them be forgotten

So how are you my dear? How is your new place? I hope You like it, and you are settled in and comfortable. Been thinking about you a lot... Love itg when you drop by to comment on our blog, makes my day!!!

OK sweety, I am off to visit by BFF Brent. He has had a nasty cold for 2 weeks now, so it is gonna be a chicken soup visit...lol seems like everyone (including me) has had this rachid cold/flu thing. Hope you don't get it!

Take care, miss you much... Will be sending you our new magnet soon, they should be here by Saturday so I will send in he mail ASAP! BIG HUGS, tons of love and smootches Shawno & Hugo A Go-Go
Wednesday, December 2nd 2015 @ 8:42 AM

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