Welcome to this place inside my head. Blogging since Sept 23, 2004
I AM BLESSED
See post March 18th 2008 for details on why this is here
Standing on a moonlit path, a wolf howls and I shudder
Where walks the fear of humanity is all my minds does utter
I reach for magick all about, for wisdom born of aches
And I know that one day I will reach the promised Crystal Lakes
The magick swells within my soul, and I am frightened too
For I am only now learning what this mind can really do
So walk this twisted path with me where feelings run so free
As I discover the powers behind the hidden Mysteries .
MY LULU BOOKS FOR SALE
Well here I am, back again. Seems like I run here to hide when I have problems. I feel safe here and can say what I feel. Not many read this anymore so I can just be. Sadly life is getting really hard for me to deal with anymore.I find myself so deeply depressed I see no good left in my staying. I am over whelmed, lonely, untrusting of the one person who does care for me. I dont even cry much anymore I am just numb to it all. I pray each night to die and move on yet I awaken each day. WHY??? I am beginning to believe I am in my own special hell.....I want it over , I wish for release...I want to die!
Nothing ever changes for me, little gets better, I am LIED to so often I am no longer able to 100% know fantasy from reality, the lies are never ending. I am dependent on my aid taking care of me for even the smallest jobs. I am sick to death of being poor, I cant even afford a sandwich let alone pay to get out of this prison I live at. I am alone, forgotten. I am of no use to anyone and I know I will never be, This is NOT how I saw my life, it is not who I want to be. My books which I put my heart and soul in are a flop, few bought them. I thought the Animal communication book would be a big hit bit every one seems to be more knowing and better at just about everything than I am. I have nothing special to bring to the table that is worthwhile. I am useless, I even connected up with my family and sent them a free Angels book and that has been over 4 months, they havent had the time to even look at it or read it, again I am nothing, Pushed aside for other more important things. what else is new? Never fit with them anyway.
I ask myself over and over what do I need and I heard love and friendship. Not the FB online kinda love but a real person who can like me, have tea with me and be proud to be my friend. Who wants to spend time with me and help me without me dangling $ to get their aid. This is something I have never had ...LOVE, not from my mom or dad, not from anyone. At 56 years it is wearing on the soul and I am tired of fighting to get it. I give up. I wish now only to cross over and end this eternal torment. I know we are in retrograde but my whole life isnt in retrograde and when this passes I will still be hurting and hiding and alone. I have so many years of paranormal work, so much experience but no one to share it with or work with. I am an elder at this point and worthy of respect instead I get ignored, forgotten and left on my own. I used to believe life was kind if one just believed,now I know different. Life is not kind, it is not loving, it is dark and sad and dismill and its not ever gonna get any better here and I better face it and move on. Well thanks for giving me a place to vent bravenet, thanks
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