Boy what a wild ride my life has taken this past month or so. Everyday there was something else, something more that tore the life out of me, that broke my already splinter heart, that drove me to the edge and took away my light. Pushing me, beseeching me to kill myself, to end it all…saying it would never get better, that I would spend the rest of my days in fear, pain and tears. I had all but given up; nay I had given up. I went so far as to search the Internet to find painless ways to kill myself, I found them. I collected what I needed.

I spoke to the darkness that it had won, each day more and more poured out upon me, illness, trials, tribulations, humiliation, feeling alone. Losing everything I worked all my life for, staining my name so much more. I had no heart left, no compassion, no will to live on and I wanted it to end.

People standing there cheering me on meant nothing, I was so deeply in pain so over the point of no return and I continued to fall. These cheerleaders didn’t understand, they weren’t there beside me, no personal e-mails, no one to talk with, their love was not real and no one was helping me on the material. All the love in the world doesn’t pay the bills and NO ONE was there to help me.

I begged old friends who abandoned me to come and help, I was in tears and I was on my knees "Please, Please if we were ever friends, help me. Just answer a question. I want nothing else from you…Just the answer to one question." The question had to do about my car, nothing hard but dreadfully important to me at the time.

My phone calls were not returned, they did not care. I was alone, I was broken, I was afraid and I wanted to die. I had no one, no family, no friends, no one and I was desperate to find a reason to live. None appeared.

A few unexpected friends came to my side…I will never forget their kindness and I will never be able to repay them. I will also never forget those who ignored me in my pain and I invoke the 3x10 fold law that they experience the same compassion in their life that they gave to me. May the Universe show them what it is they have planted and reap, it’s not up to me…

Any way during all this I could not reach my Angels, I called to them. I prayed, I cast spells I did all I knew. I cried to the Bright Lady and did not hear Her. I wailed to the God and I thought I felt His hand but want sure. I held my feather so tight it imprinted into my hand. I could not reach any of them or hear them.

The darkness continued to attack me (in so many ways you would think I was making it all up) but it was there. Actively pursuing me. I gave up completely and totally, annihilated, shattered and destroyed. Except that was not enough for the darkness, it wanted more, it wanted me to give up my soul to it (I think at that point I would have as broken as I was for I did not care what happened to me.)

Then it wanted me to curse the Light, it was a step to far, something I would never do. I refused. In my refusal I took back some power and as I continued to refuse I grew more powerful and I knew that there would be an end if I just waited. I began saying, "There must be a reason, there must be."

In my depression, illness and pain I had not been able to sleep well. Yet one night I slept and there he was…beside my chair. Not kicking it, not teasing me but lightly and gently caressing my cheek. "Cub, I have been here but you couldn’t hear me, I have stood at your side each second of the day as you tore away at yourself. I have never left you and as bad as it was you were not alone. I have battled this onslaught beside you fighting tirelessly this attack as you sobbed for help. I have not left you and I never never will. Come Cub we have places to go."

Within seconds we were off down hallways that rang a bell in my mind. Then I was at a campfire, there was a picnic table and a feast on it. A woman tended the fire, I had been here before and I ran to her and hugged her tight. "Mother, where have you been? I needed you, I called you and you didn’t answer. I gave up."

Hugging me tightly she, she dried my tears with her sleeve and said," I have been here waiting for you. I heard you each night and I tried to come to you, you wouldn’t let me and I couldn’t force you."

I hung my head in shame, " I doubted you, I gave up and I almost gave in."

She led me to the table and sat beside me, "But you are here now and that’s all that matters, you are here and we will help you"

Through the bushes I heard movement and then appeared the God, holding a basket of bread and meat. " Oh you’re here, we have been waiting for you steadfastly. From the moment the darkness began its attack against you we have been right here, waiting for you to come to us. Hoping you would remember the way…we waited." He hugged me and kissed my cheek.

Then they feed me, healed me and restored my soul. There were a lot of things that I would rather not share as it is private and means nothing to anyone but me. But then they said it was time to talk.

They explained that in my cursing the darkness in my post on Feb 2 2008 I had openly declared war against the darkness and it could not let it pass. The darkness had used those energies (my negative cursing) in their battle against me. Reflecting to me that which I had sent out, by the 3-fold law. That as angry as we are at the darkness cursing is not the way for it keeps us in that mindset/energy flow. Negativity on any level is not good for any soul and such energies can be used against you. That is what the darkness did, it used your negative energies (aimed at the darkness) against you and brought you to your knees with it. Instead of damning it, as you did shine light on it. Send it love that it might find its way from where it is, send it the Light of Illumination and Truth and let it find its own way.

I listened intently and asked but isn’t it right to be angry at the Darkness for all that it has done, as it a war of the spirit we are in?

"Yes, it is," replied the God. "There is such a thing as righteous anger but it is not found in damning the entity. It is found in the behavior that entity does. The wrongness of hurting another is never acceptable but the cursing any living soul is always defeating to the one sending the curse. Your righteous indignation in your war against the darkness should always include loving energies and compassion yet full rejection of the actions the darkness exhibits. In this way your energies are based in the light and can not be twisted against you. You work from your higher self as you war against the negativity and show the loving lighted path you strive to be a part of. "

Thinking hard I understood what was being said. As good as my intentions were, returning negativity with negativity no matter what the reason was not the way. Not only was it bad for my spiritual evolution but it could be twisted (energy wise) and used against me. I needed to learn better ways of doing things and now I had an understanding of how to battle this darkness and the attacks it made on me. No longer would I damn it, instead I would welcome it with love and light, shining upon it all the truth and loving compassion I could muster. It was then I remembered how when in the pits before, with Shadow (the dog) and Perth (the cat) how the swords of the angels tore at the darkness with light. How the darkness ran from the light. There was the key…. Not hate but love. Darkness can’t take love, light, compassion and truth. That was what I shall arm myself with now.

The Bright Lady now took my hands in hers and said, " The universe is a tricky place and what you say has meaning. When you say, my life is hard but getting better, it hears that and gives you what you say you have. A hard life that gets better, but each day the universe must keep giving you things that make it hard because you have said it is so. The universe hears all things and makes it happen that way. So you must learn to think before you speak. How will this be heard by the universe? What will it cause the universe to deliver? When you say my life sucks, it will deliver that? When you say I wish to be a success it will do that too, it will keep you wishing to be a success. You must be DIRECT, CONSISE and SIMPLE in what you say. The best way to learn this is to everyday say I am Blessed. The Universe blesses me with positive abundance and loving energies.

I nodded in understanding. "I will think before I speak my Lady and I will begin and end each day with this. I will add it to the opening of my Blog page so the universe will see this and each time it is read it will gain more positive energy and I will be blessed because I am blessed and I am ever grateful to be your child. Thank you for loving me and for never giving up on me, even when I gave up on myself and on you. Thank you and Bless the Lighted path that I walk."

Once more hugs went all around and I noticed the Great God wipe away a tear as well. We laughed, we talked, we played and I was renewed in spirit and soul. Soon it was time to return to my chair and Michael appeared.

He took my hand and led me to the portal that takes me to my chair. He said, "Ya know Cub you really have no need of me for this anymore, you have been here enough you know the way yourself. You can get here anytime you need or want." He looked a bit sad.

I kissed his cheek, " I may know the way myself Michael but your being here always makes the journey so much better. I think I will keep you a bit longer…. I need you so, but don’t ask me to ever say that again."

He messed my hair and gave me a brotherly push. "Come on, I have other things to do then escort you about the dimensions and planes." Pulling me through the portal and into my chair. Bending as he tucked me into my chair for the umpteenth time, "Seriously are you gonna be OK? I am here and I will never leave you. No matter what, even if it feels like I have gone it is but a trick of the darkness. Run to your higher self, Use your Dark Night powder. All this will help you remember you are blessed then you will see me, you will hear the words of the Bright Lady and Lord. Remember you are Loved no matter what you do, for all eternity."

Throwing both arms around his neck I buried my face there. "I think I will be fine, no.. I WILL BE FINE. I may have days I slip back because I am an edge walker but I will make it and I will not only be blessed but I WILL SHINE! Oh and I love you too. Now go on get out of here I need to sleep and heal."

So ends this ALB communication and so ends the battle of cursing the darkness. I will now longer curse anything. I will turn it over to the universe. I will invoke the 3 fold laws and I will let it go, as the universe hears all and responds. I will say everyday I AM BLESSED & I SHINE!

A learning

LWM 

LOVELY BLOG... very inspiring ... and touching... seriously the wildest and most thought provoking blogs on the net. I really enjoy the uplifing read... Thank you Shawno

I AM BLESSED & I SHINE because of friends like you. Thank you for sharing.

You are blessed, and you do shine, Beautiful Wolf. Love, Hope, and Light Always. I have missed your voice.

It's been a few weeks since I remembered my dreams... but last night's is fresh and clear. I was walking into a blue, brightly lit kitchen. I picked up the phone with the every intention of calling you. (even though I don't know your number, or even your real name! LOL) There were others in the house, although I couldn't make them out... just beyond my field of vision... but not beyond mu sensing. I remember hearing y our voice, and then turning to find you standing behind me in the kitchen. You were not alone either. Others were with you... but also just beyond my field of vision. Although, I have never seen you, I KNEW it was you. You looked so lovely, LWM. Your hair was loose and drifted past your shoulders almost to your midback, and you were wearing what looked like a simple pale blue sundress. I smiled, cried, and hugged you and told you how worried I had been for you. I told you how much love and hope both Brighton and I have been sending you. My prayers have always been with you. You smiled such a beautiful sincere smile... I knew you the darkness had let go of you... and that you would be OK.

Greetings to you, dear lady. I'm glad to read this post, because it reinforces what I told you several posts ago about how denouncing the negative forces in the universe is like uttering a challenge to "bring it on." I am so sorry to hear that no one was there for you, and I do understand those feelings that no one is there even when there are people there for you. When you're in such a deep depression, it really does feel like you're completely alone, even though you know in your head that you're not.

To challenge the negative forces in the universe is to dare them to retaliate, my friend, and those forces don't take that lightly. Every possible obstacle that can be dropped on you is dropped on you, and unless you can recognize what's happening and try to remain calm and trust in the positive forces to help you through it, it can be incredibly overwhelming. It's like the little black dot on the big canvas of white; once you see it, you can either ignore it and focus on the white, or you can let it consume you until all you see is darkness. I'm glad you were able to pull out of that before it was too late...

ML, if you ever need to talk, just send me an email. You should be able to find it on my profile page. If not, leave me a tag and I'll drop by here and post it; since your comments are moderated, you can make note of the email and then delete the comment.

I can't help you with money, LWM, but I can help you stay strong, if you'll let me...

thank you for such a good post! We must always remember to put positive light out there.

Beautiful, so you are deep in the journey of self awareness, and by sharing this will also assist other lighters, each individual goes through this stage some fail and some do pass it into another level of the conscious mind.

Your words: She led me to the table and sat beside me, "But you are here now and that’s all Then they feed me, healed me and restored my soul.
This is in the 23 psalm at another level of frequency to your understanding

Darkness are the inner fears, You have made it to another level angel. Also remember everything happens for a reason and though those people did not phone back it was for a reason...allow all to work through you. You are strong.Suicide in this form is a crossing, like a bridge to another level and so you have made it and met with the light beings of such level of awareness. Congrats. And continue flying little by little you will look back and understand it all from your higher level. Love to you and light you are

I'm thinking the same as Sparkle, in that you really have made it to another level and a very positive one at that. Your spirit is a gentle, sweet flame that needs loving, tender attention. You've made a big step and I'm very happy for you.

A very powerful post. This is true, that cursing the darkness you are inviting it into your life. And I too have been told that to eliminate the negative I should be blasting it with positive energy. Has it helped? Well, I feel a bit better anyway and am now working on abundance. So far not much happening but I have hope. I am very glad you stepped away from the edge and working on the light.

Thanks for the "I Am Blessed" post, I will certainly try that.

Cathi

Hi LWM. I wanted to stop in and say hi so that you would know you're in my thoughts and prayers. But I also wanted to thank you for your post, because after reading it again - and having thought about it more since I first commented here - it has helped me reinforce my own determinations to stand strong against the negative forces in the universe. I don't know if you realize just how powerful your words are, my friend; you change LIVES with your posts, and that is something not everyone can achieve.

So, even when things get really rough, and even when you feel like you're completely alone, please try to hold fast to that truth, because without you, the world is darker and more frightening to navigate. The human race NEEDS you and people like you to help the rest of us find our way...

All things that are envied envy something else. We envy that which we believe will bring us the inner peace and happiness we are actually seeking. Since the person being envied has not found happiness he of course envies something else. Know that if you became that person you would also envy something else.

Many people struggle their whole lives for the things they envy to gain something that they thought would bring them the inner happiness and peace they are actually seeking. Perhaps it would of been best to not have envied at all and found that peace within ourselves as envy leads to jealousy. If we cannot attain what we envy then we become jealous of that thing we believe has that happiness we seek.

Imagine if you do not envy something and find that you become content with what you have and how you are thus breaking that cycle. This one act can create the conditions for freeing yourself from jealousy.

Now imagine a world without jealousy.
It is the giving of ourselves that we become one with the universe. The less egocentric we become the more we receive. You are truly blessed and will see it soon.
Love,
Denis and Marti

Wow, that was a long post. Trying to catch up. Thanks for visiting my blog. It loaded real fast didn't it, they finally fixed it.

Reading your blog almost sounds like reading the old testament of the bible. You are a true prophetess. There is one thing I think you need to learn to do and that is stop being so proud, if you need help, ask for it. When you need money, put an icon on your blog for contributions and I for one would be happy to pitch in. You offer us a service, you speak to spirits. Some may say you’re crazy, but I happen to know a little bit about religion and sometimes the crazy ones are just the enlightened ones that non believers can't believe so they mistaken it as mental illness. Anyways, you do that, put an icon on your blog asking for donations, because you offer a service, that's why we come here to see what you have been told, eventually I'll get caught up here, hopefully before may 4th, something is supposed to happen may 4th, and I think it’s a good thing.